Voicing Concern for a Friend
When the topic of mental health comes up, everyone can think of someone they know who is struggling with their mental health. You may have even clicked this blog article to read with someone specific in mind. Mental health struggles are real, students struggle because life is hard, and when you're an adolescent coping with the stressors of life - school, work, friends, sports, band, theater productions, relationships with family, and all the changes your body is going through - things add up, and fast! One thing that we know is that our kids struggle with mental health. According to the CDC (Mental Health | Adolescent and School Health | CDC) 1 in 4 (40%) students have persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness, 2 in 10 (20%) students seriously consider attempting suicide and nearly 1 in 10 (9%) attempted suicide. Students know who is struggling, they can see it, they have concerns and want their friend or classmate to get help but don’t know where to start.
We at Adapt for Life hear these concerns from students all the time. We have a couple of tips to help students that want to voice concern for someone they care about who is struggling with their mental health.
1. It’s okay to not be okay. Check in with your friend. Let them know that you care about them and what they are going through. Remind your friend that “it’s okay to not be okay and you are not alone!” So, what can you do to help organize yourself when you are ready to have that difficult conversation with your friend? Write out your thoughts before you talk to your friend and let them know what specifically you are concerned about. Ask yourself, “How are they behaving differently? What are they saying? Does it sound like them or is what they’re saying out of character for them? What is unclear or not quite right?” Giving examples will help your friend understand your perspective and why you are concerned.
2. Prepare to listen, and without judgment. Once you voice concern, your friend may open up about stressors and situations that are impacting their mental health. Let your friend talk, ask questions to gain understanding of how they are feeling, and know that you might not understand. That might seem scary that you may not really understand what someone is going through, but you don’t have to understand to be a friend and let them know that you care. If your friend has admitted that they are struggling with their mental health, the next thing to do is seek out a safe adult to help your friend get the support they need.
3. Identify a safe adult to voice concern to. What does a safe adult look like? This is an adult who is reliable, safe, won’t judge the situation, and can make connections for help that you may not have on your own. Examples of those adults are parents/stepparents, guardians, teachers, school counselors, relatives, coaches, parents of friends, neighbors, medical providers, or other community members. This adult will not dismiss the situation and the mental health struggle that is going on. This is important - do not take on someone else’s mental health struggles by yourself. If there is a safety concern and your friend is not willing to seek help or talk to a safe adult, you still need to talk to an adult about it.
4. It’s okay to make someone mad, you may have an opportunity that no one else does. It is easier to manage your friend being angry with you because you care about them than struggling with guilt because you did not act. The hope would be that your friend will not stay angry once they receive help. Getting help can be scary, some people are worried about consequences or not wanting to “burden” others. Remind your friend that you care, they are worth getting help for, and they are not alone. It’s okay that they are mad, and thoughts and feelings can change.
We at Adapt for Life know that some people are not ready to get help or may reject help offered to them. We know it takes strength to speak up for someone else. It takes a whole community of people to advocate for people struggling with their mental health, we cannot do it alone. We must look out for and support one another.
Here are some resources to offer people who are struggling with their mental health:
For an immediate crisis, call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is free, confidential, free, and connects you with a trained crisis counselor 24/7/365.
If there is not an emergency, warmlines can also offer support. A warm line is a confidential, free phone service offering mental health support. Unlike a crisis line or hotline, they are not intended for emergency situations. Warm lines are typically staffed by volunteer or paid peers—people with personal experience with mental health disorders. They use their experience to better understand and support callers, offering conversation, emotional support and information on local mental health services and other community services when needed.
How to find a warmline near you:
· An unofficial list by state location is available at www.warmline.org. The site notes which lines are nationally accessible and welcome calls from anywhere. Every line varies by hours, geographic coverage and training of the person answering the call.
· The National Alliance on Mental Illness also can refer callers to a list of warmlines through its HelpLine at 800-950-NAMI (6264), Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. ET.
Written by Alison Wall, Senion Specialist, Community Engagement, Adapt for Life